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John the Baptist baptizes Jesus. The artist Ad...

For the last couple days, I’ve been curious to understand who Jesus was since I know now that he is not the messiah. The picture isn’t pretty, but it was one that I needed to see. Why? Perhaps I wanted some sense of closure to the past eight years of my life.

As I was researching, I remembered the initial charisma that I attributed to Jesus and the compassion with which it seemed he had toward me; the feeling that I mattered to him; that he cared about me and that he could save me from my lost and sinful nature. Today I see that Jesus was just a man who had some good ideas about righteousness and holy living. He was a teacher who maybe thought that he was the Messiah or maybe he imagined that he was just a prophet, or perhaps he thought he was just being a good Jew, like his cousin John the Baptist–we can’t really know because of the overlay the Church put on him over the years. But what I do know is the man Jesus did not think of himself as the god-man and redeemer that the church elevated him to after he died. Read More

And Nimrod, and Mithra, and…well all the other god-men born to virgins or otherwise. Thanks for changing the world. Although it would have been nice had you left it a better place. But let’s not quibble over facts. I mean, what matters today is what people feel in their hearts, right?

Heart of Jesus

In fact, what the followers of Jesus feel in their heart should be a testimony to his messiahship. We should see all manner of his works manifesting in his believers as they do even “greater things” than he did. But once again the evidence falls short. Or worse, it testifies against his messianic claim.

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Today it seemed like my wife and I traded positions, one being angry while the other assumed a more patient, long-suffering temperament. The day started with me dodging verbal arrows and offering comforting words while she discussed how she was feeling. “You’ve changed all the rules,” “Our foundation has been shattered,” and so on. I tried to explain how our faith has been based in Torah principles all along and that letting go of Jesus is not going to send us all to Hell. “Don’t you worry that your choices will cause you to lose your salvation?” It was an honest question and my sincere answer was, “No. I do not believe G-d works that way. Nowhere in the Torah does it say that we have to identify a man, ‘believe’ in him and then have salvation.”

A kettle full of Jews (with white hats) burnin...

A kettle full of Jews burning in Hell

By the end of the day I had a headache and felt furious. I don’t know why but I had zero patience. Read More

my first shabbat as a heretic

lonely

Today I sat in the midst of the little home chavurah I attend with my little “secret” boiling inside of me. At this point, only my wife knew of my realization that Jesus is not the messiah and we haven’t decided how to tell the group or how we will leave it. After much internal debate, I decided that I had to tell my best friend before we announced all of this to everyone else. I’ve known him for almost sixteen years. Our friendship did not begin based on religious ideals and I hope that it won’t end because of them. We’ll see. My stomach turned waiting for the time to pass and I felt more alone than ever.

Expulsion of the Jews from Frankfurt on August...

Jews expelled from Frankfurt, 1614

the news

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I hope this blog will be a conversation with anyone interested as much as it is about me sharing my story. I’m finding myself now at a juncture (and here is where you come in) where I’m finally being honest with myself and those closest to me–and you are watching it all unfold.So now I’m going to write it for the first time: I don’t believe that Jesus (or Yeshua as some call him) is the Messiah.

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