Today has been one of the harder days so far going through this. My wife has been crying off and on and blames me for “destroying everything in our lives.” To make matters worse, due to an info leak that I thought was secure (not from a person but an online source) my mother found out today that I no longer believe that Jesus is the messiah and that I want to convert to Torah Judaism. She gained access to my blog and fell apart after reading it. Next she called my best friend’s parents (who are evangelical Christians who pushed me along several years to get “saved”) and cried to them. They in turn contacted my best friend and commiserated about the loss of my salvation with him. Oy va voy!
Jeisyn with Ben Gurion's gavel in Independence Hall, Tel Aviv, Israel
I tried a mental exercise to relieve some of the stress; it involves imagining others who are or have been in scenarios far worse than you. I thought of the Crusades, the Inquisitions, the Pogroms, the Shoah, the assimilation of Jews into secular American society, those living through the modern rebirth of the State of Israel: all events that always brought the tension of other faiths (mostly Christianity) into direct contact with Jewish ideas and beliefs. People died, lost everything, were dejected and despised. I would be honored to be counted among them…and feel so unworthy.
Auschwitz: Arrival of Hungarian Jews 1944