The Silence Of The Lamb

This Pesach was the first one I’ve observed not being an idolator. What does this mean? I was able to Pesach Seder 5772fully participate in the Seder on its own terms. Jesus/Yeshua had nothing to do with it or Pesach at all. Christianity was not there to reinterpret the Seder elements or to usurp the power of G-d’s gift of freedom to worship Him then and now. For once the matzoh was full of meaning without it having anything to do with a false messiah. The cups of wine were not the “bris chadashah” that the New Testament lies about. The enormity of the miracles of yetzias Mitzrayim were not overshadowed by the bogus Christian narrative of a man-god system of atonement and redemption.

I no longer felt confused and conflicted as I had for the last eight years about what should capture my attention:  Should I be overwhelmed by the power of Hashem and His love for Israel? Or should I give in to the guilt I felt for being moved by that and have kavanah instead for the “spiritual” meaning of it all and focus on the fact that the “resurrection of the messiah” was the real point? This year I was flooded with joy because I serve the G-d of Avraham and was energized to see how He created and continues to maintain the Jewish people.

I was freed this year. Our Rabbi wisely encouraged us to focus on the simcha of connecting with a people and a tradition that go back 3,900 years. He said to feel simcha for being able to serve Borei Olam in a personal and intimate way as He responds in kind. It really worked. Like the Israelites, the people I so desire to join, at their first Pesach, I slaughtered my “lamb” for the Egyptians to see showing them that he is no god; he has no power; he is dead and buried in the sands of time.

I don’t fancy myself a poet but after processing the Seder for a few days some words came to my mind:

For the first time I’m worshiping You directly through no intermediary. It’s intimidating, it’s thrilling. It’s also confusing and scary because I don’t know if I’m doing it right and I know it really counts now.  Am I going to mess this up? Am I really directly worshiping You? Is it really possible? Or is it just my imagination like all the rest has been? It’s so big I feel like I need to deny it. What do You think of me anyway?  I’ve been taught so many lies. You are too intense.  There’s an advantage to false gods. You can hide behind them. But I don’t really want to–not any longer. Heaven help me!

Now I’m counting the Omer and I’m hoping to elevate myself to a place where I can participate in Shavuos in a way that I never have before. May we be cleansed and sanctified with His holiness on high, all of us who proclaim His Oneness and who seek Him sincerely.

19 comments
  1. Aviva Ishai said:

    applause! applause! 🙂 a happy and kosher pesach to you and your family!

    • Thank you Aviva! And thanks for reading and commenting. Chag kasher v’sameach!

  2. Thomas said:

    Hi Jeisyn,

    I got a notification for a recent article you wrote, something along the lines of having a bit of Judaism will lead many messianics out of the messianic movement altogether. Did I miss the article somewhere on your blog?

    • Hi Thomas. I’m not sure why the notice went out but that is an article in process that should be out by the weekend IY”H.

      • Thomas said:

        If you are using wordpress, and you saved the article in progress, I think that may be the reason. When I use wordpress for work, I save in Word and then publish the final copy on wordpress. But just FYI…

      • That makes sense. Thank you.

  3. L. Murdock said:

    mazal tov my friend… I know the feeling very well. It is amazing.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting! It’s nice to be on the journey with you guys.

  4. Almoni said:

    I absolutely love the Haggadah. It’s one of the most elegant pieces of literature developed by the Rabbis. I have learned so much about Judaism, Literature, G-d, and Passover, through the Haggadah. I had a strong desire to bring all the things I was learning in the Beit Midrash about Passover to the Messianic world, and therefore taught at least three courses on the Haggadah in the Messianic community in Israel and in America. I was teaching some amazing things (not things that I came up with).

    But there were always these complaints or comments that I would get after the classes. One of the more consistent complaints was that I was teaching more about the Exodus (some said Old Testament) than on Jesus’s sacrifice. And truthfully, a lot of the Messianics here in Israel wouldn’t give a damn about Passover if it weren’t for all the Last Supper elements behind it. To Messianics, Jesus has overshadowed the story of G-d and His people.

    Another complaint I got was that I was bringing in too much Rabbinical stuff, and not enough of the Gospel message. And when I was asked to lead two Messianic Passover Seders, I was required to edit out any mention of any Rabbi, specifically Rabbi Akiva. That was difficult, because that’s one of the more essential elements of the Haggadah. I had to incline to the authorities. And since I didn’t have total control of the Passover Seder, it turned out horrible!

    These Messianics are just Messy-antics. (<– A title you may take if you'd like for an article)

    • Well put Almoni: “To Messianics, Jesus has overshadowed the story of G-d and His people.” That is a sad truth, for the Jewish ones anyway. Although the Goyim are commanded against idolatry as well and should have correct beliefs about the Exodus.

  5. andyboy said:

    Thanks for “liking” my last post on “Trial by YouTube”.

    I assume that you have not read the rest of my blog. I am a confirmed and unrepentant Atheist, so we don’t appear to be on the same page about anything else. You will probably blow a few gaskets if you read any of my stuff on the subject of religion.

    Anyway, thought I would just give a look to your blog.

    Very nice, but, from my perspective, totally misguided.

    • Why would you assume I haven’t read your blog and that I would react emotionally to someone who differs in opinion from me?

      I read your blog thoroughly by the way…

      • andyboy said:

        Sorry – I shouldn’t have made that assumption!

        My general experience with ultra – Orthodox Jews here is not so positive. It isn’t so much that I question the right of anyone to believe whatever they want, rather it is a concern about the minutia of the laws, and the organised religious structures that uphold them.

        It’s the organisational aspect of all religions that really gets to me.

      • No one should argue that lifeless, soulless, religious practice is missing the point big time.

      • andyboy said:

        Sorry, I don’t understand your point.

      • It sounded like the rigidity of religion doesn’t hold meaning for you and since one of the points of religion is to find meaning, who can blame you for being turned off?

      • andyboy said:

        It isn’t just the rigidity – it’s religion itself.

        I quoted the following from Professor Richard Rubenstein in my last article:

        ” the only intellectually honest response to the Holocaust is the rejection of God, and the recognition that all existence is ultimately meaningless. There is no divine plan or purpose, no God that reveals His will to mankind, and God does not care about the world. Man must assert and create his own value in life.”

        In a nutshell:

        We’re born
        We live
        We die

        If we manage not to hurt too many people between birth and death, and if we are not too badly hurt ourselves, that’s about as good as it gets.

        Searching for a meaning to existence is a fruitless occupation that has been attempted by many before you, and, doubtless, will be attempted by many after you.

        Life is for living.

        Religion just gets in the way!

      • Again, I have heard that philosophy before and a long period of my life was spent wholeheartedly living it.

        Now I’m past that perspective but interacting with others who don’t share my view isn’t hard to do and I still feel a particularly strong bond to those who are Jewish, regardless how they view G-d.

        L’chayim!

      • andyboy said:

        Yes, strange as it may seem, i still regard myself as very much Jewish – just not in the generally accepted definition of the term.

        L’chayim to you – and Shabbat Shalom

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