My respect for those who regularly pray Shacharit, Minchah and Arvit in a minyan everyday, nearly without fail, has soared higher than ever. As our move to Dallas gets closer (be’ezrat Hashem) and our conversion gets further underway, I’ve been preparing more rigorously. One of the ways I’ve done this is to shore up my tefilah.
Very few in the Messianic world take prayer seriously. And even those who do (not that it has any merit for them since they are idolaters) don’t pray with the proper kavanah. As a former Messianic, I was guilty of all the above but one thing my experiences did teach me was what not to do. There is a nonchalant approach to tefilah in that cursed realm and I’m set to rid all traces of it from my being.
Since Purim, I’ve become meticulous about Netilat Yadayim and I’ve gotten up every morning by at least 5:30 and gone through nearly all the required prayers–although it has been difficult to get in all of Pesukei d’zimra due to work contstraints. IY”H I’ll get up even earlier next week to start getting all of those in. I also hope to get my Rabbi to teach me to lay tefillin Yeminite style! For Minchah and Arvit I’ve been able to pray in the Orthodox shul in town. Before sleeping I’ve also added Kriyat Shema Al HaMitah. This is over three hours of praying in my day! What a spiritual workout!
I’ve noticed an elevation in my day. At this same time, it is hard work. There are times when I dread it and then I hate that I dread it. Then I feel miserable because I’m angry that I hate that I am dreading to pray. Does anyone else go through this? What can I do?