Yad Vashem

Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim in Radin, Belarus - (th...

Yeshivat Chafetz Chayim in Radin

Going through this renunciation of the false messiah, alone without my wife in agreement in the matter, causes me to resonate with Chafetz Chayim‘s preface to “Shem Olam” where he quotes the verse from Yeshayah 56:3-5, “…and the childless one should not say—’Look, I am a shriveled piece of wood,’ for this is what Hashem said to the barren ones who observe My Shabbat and choose what I desire and hold tightly onto My covenant. Within My walls and My house I will give to them a hand and a name which is better than sons and daughters. I will give them an eternal name which will never be expired.” How I am childless you ask? I have a son. My wife is pregnant. I am childless because I have no mitzvot without the Torah and the Jewish people.

The Chafetz Chayim advises the barren to remedy this situation by following Hashem’s advice and to fulfill these three conditions. If he is right, my “cure” can be found because Hashem Yitbarach is the source of eternal existence. I pray my wife catches on soon. Until then I cling to מעוז צור ישועתי

  1. Shalom,

    Early on in my journey, when my wife was not on board either, I began challenging her lightly with questions like “How do you know that Jesus is the messiah? Can you prove it or do you just feel that way?” I would present information that did harm to such a conclusion and asked her – again lightly, keeping total calm – how she understood her beliefs in light of such facts. Eventually, becuase she is a thinking person, she had to admit that she didn’t know. Once she admitted that, then we were able to talk. I empathized with her feelings and shared the truth that I had found with her.

    Leaving her to herself without pushing is important, but you have to be EXTREMELY careful that you don’t grow apart or go in separate directions. If she pulls away, take a step in her direction. If she pulls further away, take another step. Don’t let her walk away or give up. When a woman sits by herself, she stew and stews and then digs her heels into emotional conclusions because they feel “safe.” A feeling of safety is what she is seeking right now. She is confused and will retreat inside if you let her and then she will begin shutting you out…DON’T let this happen.

    Keep gently putting things in her ear and opening small discussions with her. I know that it is difficult, but this was the key to our success.

    Kol tuv, we’ll talk soon.


    • Shalom Yehudah. Thank you for keeping in touch. It helps tremendously to know there is a person like you watching this process, guiding me along and offering suggestions and support.

      Could you clarify, “I would present information that did harm to such a conclusion…” I’m not sure what you mean here.

      I am watching to make sure we don’t drift apart. I’m trying to focus on all of the other things in life we have in common. She has made statements like, “This is the first time in our life we’ve been split on an issue.” I’ve known her twenty-one years and she’s right. But I reinforce our common belief in Torah, Hashem, our love of Israel and the Jewish people. I have gently asked questions to cathect her intellect but she is resistant to this approach. She refuses to question Jesus’ messianic claim or to consider any information contrary to it because it “feels wrong” for her. So I back off when this comes up and change the subject.

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